Garbage For Consumption

Disclaimer: I generally eat really healthy.  For one thing, the Mrs. is a pescetarian which, in true Jules Winnfield fashion, pretty much makes me a pescetarian.  Nevertheless, there are certain things that are impossible to avoid…

Checker’s Deep Sea Double – The best fish sandwich in the fast food universe, period.  Unparalleled.

Smarties – As I’ve said for years; much like lobster, these should be eaten by the pound.

Totino’s Supreme Style frozen pizza – In the annals of frozen one-man pizzas, Totino’s has no competition.  They’re cheap.  They’re super tasty (especially if you make them extra crispy).  They cook fast.  And they go great with PBR in case you’re, say, up late watching Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan drinking PBR.

Duke’s Mayonnaise – I eat mayonnaise on as much stuff as I possibly can which, at least according to me, qualifies me as a mayonnaise expert.  Accept no substitutes.

Morningstar Farms fake bacon – This actually isn’t that bad for you.  Sure, you could completely melt the January ice off of New Hampshire’s Blue Star Turnpike with the absurd amount of sodium in the stuff, but its low on fat and high on protein.  Its just that I crumble it up and put it on crap like…

Betty Crocker Bacon & Ranch Suddenly Pasta Salad Mix – If you’re making this tonight, expect an extra guest for dinner.

Ben & Jerry’s Coffee Heath Bar Crunch – If I could find this more often, you’d be able to see me from space.

Maruchan Chicken Flavor Ramen – Breathtaking taste.  Breathtaking sodium levels.  Breathtaking heart attack.

Golden Flake Cheese Puffs – The Cadillac of cheese puffs.  Chester Cheetah can suck one.  If you’re in a jam for lunch, these are especially good with foot-long ham & swiss made-to-order subs from Kroger…

The Smoking Cupcake, January 2010





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